THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2010
Everyone wants affirmation and validation. This is a need that wells up from the deepest recesses of our being. No matter what station, age or circumstance, every human being needs to feel accepted and valued. Anyone who wants to enjoy rich and rewarding relationships simply has to understand this basic truth. However this understanding has to be translated into specific behaviour. How do you do that ?
Its really quite simple! Just be an encouraging presence under all circumstances. Never say "I told you so". Instead of looking for faults, focus on strengths. People are usually painfully aware of their own shortcomings so there's no need to rub it in. In any case, are you perfect ? What gives you the right to adopt a holier than thou attitude ? Have you perfected yourself ? Before we criticize, point the finger or lay the blame let's remember that all that will simply create resentment in the other person. This is especially so when the criticism is unsolicited. And let's face it, most of the time your criticism and indeed your input or even advice is suo motu, given without being asked.
If you are really serious about harmonizing and enriching your relationships, change your paradigm from advice and criticisim to encouragement, appreciation. Learn to ask open ended questions like " how about this ?". When you encourage a person and appreciate her effort or success no matter how small, you're actually helping that person grow to gargantuan proportions. That's because encouragement and appreciation are translated internally into affirmation and validation that nourish self-esteem and self-worth. These in turn build self confidence and courage both of which are the harbingers of results.
Encouraging creates magical change by creating a motivation to excel. A leader is always constructive and looking for ways to build people internally. That's how he can build not just skyscrapers but also successful organizations and families. So, always look for reasons to appreciate, encourage and celebrate!
Leadership is therefore all about creating results while at the same time creating the capacity to continuously deliver results!